I Don’t Want It And I Don’t Need It But I Do Need Him
Recently, I had the opportunity to meet and hear award-winning author, Lauraine Snelling, speak at a Ladies' Night Out event. She was both engaging and thought-provoking (not to mention, pretty darn funny). I have thought about and even shared with some of my coworkers things she said that night but one thing has been rattling around in my brain by far.
She asked us to think about all the things that have happened to us in the past few years. Then she asked, "What if God had allowed us to see all of that at once? Do you think we would have been able to handle it?"
This is the part where "Authentic Abby" would have blurted out a loud, unladylike laugh of derision, followed by a quick and equally loud, "NO"! However, since I was at a church and my mother was sitting directly to my left, the actual response to this question was silent. I should also point out that even though "Actual Abby" stayed silent, "Authentic Abby's" response was clearly written on "Actual Abby's" face. (I struggle to control my mouth. My face is a losing battle!)
I'm sure, you, like me, can remember times in your life where the weight of the world felt like it was sitting on your chest, pressing all the air out of your lungs. The physical effort it took to keep breathing was exhausting and you knew without a doubt your world would never be the same. Maybe it was a huge financial burden out of left field. Maybe it was a diagnosis. Maybe you lost a job, lost a child, or felt like you lost your mind! Maybe this is something you are currently experiencing. Please know that my heart breaks for you and though I don't know the details of your burdens, know that if I were standing next to you right now, I’d wrap you up with a hug: another topic of discussion with Lorraine.
So many times in my life, I've had things happen that I describe as "not Abby's plan". For example, it was not Abby's plan to be a licensed teacher working for years as a paraprofessional because it was the only job in education I could find. It was not Abby's plan to become just another statistic in the National Teacher Turnover rate when I was hired for teaching jobs. It was not Abby's plan to have a child with special needs.
But here's the thing; these times in my life that I deemed a time of shattered dreams and total despair, these were times that God was using to build me into the person I am today. I certainly didn't see it that way at the time!! That's for sure. Working as a para made me a better teacher giving me a better understanding of how to work with kids with disabilities and how to better utilize my own paras to help those kids. Having a child with special needs gave me a better understanding of the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) process and all of these things paved the way for my current job where I proofread IEPs, train and work with Special Education teachers and their paras. I get to help teachers solve software problems and, if for only a short time, let them take a break from their stressful day. I answer the phone and get to lend a sympathetic ear to the parent at her wits end trying to help her struggling child but she doesn’t know how. So many times, things I didn’t plan for happened anyway and in the midst of all my struggle, God had a plan. God was in control.
Ecclesiastes Chapter 7, verse 14A says this: "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other."
God has a deep understanding of my good days and even my bad. Why? Because He is the Creator of all of my days. It reminds me of the song, "Hills and Valleys" by Tauren Wells. I love the phrase in the song that says: “When I'm standing on the mountain aft, didn't get there on my own / When I'm walking through the valley end, no I am not alone! / You're God of the hills and valley!”
In our good days and bad, He is God. Whether our tears are from joy or sorrow, He is God. Isn’t it nice to know that when we’re falling apart, God is never caught off guard and He’s got all the answers?
Some people wish they could know the future. Some look to the stars while some pay absurd amounts of money for divination. I don’t want to know the future because joy is so much better when it comes as a surprise and often sorrow can only be handled one ragged breath at a time. The truth is, I don’t need to know the future because I know the God who created my today, my past, and my future. I don’t want to know it, I don’t need to know it, but beyond a doubt, I KNOW that NEED HIM.
This is the part where "Authentic Abby" would have blurted out a loud, unladylike laugh of derision, followed by a quick and equally loud, "NO"! However, since I was at a church and my mother was sitting directly to my left, the actual response to this question was silent. I should also point out that even though "Actual Abby" stayed silent, "Authentic Abby's" response was clearly written on "Actual Abby's" face. (I struggle to control my mouth. My face is a losing battle!)
I'm sure, you, like me, can remember times in your life where the weight of the world felt like it was sitting on your chest, pressing all the air out of your lungs. The physical effort it took to keep breathing was exhausting and you knew without a doubt your world would never be the same. Maybe it was a huge financial burden out of left field. Maybe it was a diagnosis. Maybe you lost a job, lost a child, or felt like you lost your mind! Maybe this is something you are currently experiencing. Please know that my heart breaks for you and though I don't know the details of your burdens, know that if I were standing next to you right now, I’d wrap you up with a hug: another topic of discussion with Lorraine.
So many times in my life, I've had things happen that I describe as "not Abby's plan". For example, it was not Abby's plan to be a licensed teacher working for years as a paraprofessional because it was the only job in education I could find. It was not Abby's plan to become just another statistic in the National Teacher Turnover rate when I was hired for teaching jobs. It was not Abby's plan to have a child with special needs.
But here's the thing; these times in my life that I deemed a time of shattered dreams and total despair, these were times that God was using to build me into the person I am today. I certainly didn't see it that way at the time!! That's for sure. Working as a para made me a better teacher giving me a better understanding of how to work with kids with disabilities and how to better utilize my own paras to help those kids. Having a child with special needs gave me a better understanding of the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) process and all of these things paved the way for my current job where I proofread IEPs, train and work with Special Education teachers and their paras. I get to help teachers solve software problems and, if for only a short time, let them take a break from their stressful day. I answer the phone and get to lend a sympathetic ear to the parent at her wits end trying to help her struggling child but she doesn’t know how. So many times, things I didn’t plan for happened anyway and in the midst of all my struggle, God had a plan. God was in control.
Ecclesiastes Chapter 7, verse 14A says this: "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other."
God has a deep understanding of my good days and even my bad. Why? Because He is the Creator of all of my days. It reminds me of the song, "Hills and Valleys" by Tauren Wells. I love the phrase in the song that says: “When I'm standing on the mountain aft, didn't get there on my own / When I'm walking through the valley end, no I am not alone! / You're God of the hills and valley!”
In our good days and bad, He is God. Whether our tears are from joy or sorrow, He is God. Isn’t it nice to know that when we’re falling apart, God is never caught off guard and He’s got all the answers?
Some people wish they could know the future. Some look to the stars while some pay absurd amounts of money for divination. I don’t want to know the future because joy is so much better when it comes as a surprise and often sorrow can only be handled one ragged breath at a time. The truth is, I don’t need to know the future because I know the God who created my today, my past, and my future. I don’t want to know it, I don’t need to know it, but beyond a doubt, I KNOW that NEED HIM.
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Story of Zacchaeus |
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